I shall give Leah a mission to transvert him over to the right side by slowly substituting his meals and changing his tastes. The day he willingly eats chicken, she shall film it and we shall re-review his request to become a member.



From: Nick
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 8:32 AM
To: Andrea
Subject: Re: FW: chicken revolution


NEVER!!!

As long as he refuses to eat Chicken, he is an ENEMY AND MUST BE PURGED!!!
Allegiance can only be gained through the display of WILLFULLY EATING AND ENJOYING SAID EATING OF CHICKEN!!!
Respect and Admiration mean nothing without the act of consumption!!!

On Thu, Dec 3, 2009 at 9:57 AM, Friend, Andrea wrote:

Although this revolution began with the shocking news that someone out there hates chicken... that same person seeks allegiance... is this acceptable?



From: Leah
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 8:24 AM
To: Andrea
Subject:



I have good news



I can add + 3 to your Chicken Alliance



-Myself

-*REMOVED FOR PRIVACY*

-Aaron – he has stated quite clearly that he has that much respect and admiration for chickens that he refuses to eat them :) Plus he calls me his chook… another term of endearment….

Ooh, yeah, they’ll be the ground soldiers of our cause. Some will need more clearance in areas that some general public aren’t authorised to enter into. That should be easy to organise through our lawyers or security.

Your enthusiasm is the heart of this revolution!

I think Americans will be easy... a lot of them are like sheep and will follow any trend. We’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t become just a trend.

Yes, I agree... this flippant plan has become quite intricate. We have many ways to move ahead to our success now.

We need to form a squad of inquisitors... trusted, dedicated, plain clothes members who we can circulate in the general populace... they would need authority in our movement, so they can weed out the unpure...! Their name would be only rumor, again to strike fear into the hearts of our enemy...! ChickInquisitors...!

The British are know for the pompous attitudes and general rudeness and stubbornness...
Having a British insider to provide key knowledge will prove very beneficial...

i think we are getting close to the end of our initial planning stage... We have covered everything I can think of that could possibly stand in our way... We have much work ahead... this is only the beginning...!

I will have to watch who is nearby when I’m forming these messages to you, perhaps somebody saw me.

Okay, scrutinise members. A number of intrusive questions over a period of time as to not rise too much suspicion. General members will still have to be aware that there will be consequences if they should choose to change sides. Well, a lot of government workers and teachers love food so bringing it up in conversation should be a problem at this end.

Okay, good... *REMOVED* sounds dedicated and I trust your recruiting judgement. Information on British ways and common habits will help us turn stubborn British people.

Yes, good idea... a threatening and powerful name. We shall work on that at once.

Yeah, I’m sure once we recruit the larger companies they’ll help us with legal matters.

Perhaps the fire alarm was an attempt to stop us communicating... you need to look out... be suspicious of everyone around you until you are sure they can be trusted... This is not paranoia, this is caution... We are still in a delicate phase of the plan...
I think we need to extensively and intensively screen all our potential associates... Only the high up ones... General members wont have access to sensitive material, and wont require the same scrutiny...
Things like offer to buy them food, and see what they request... while giving them a polygraph and asking them about chicken...

Vicky is one of the most sympathetic to our cause... She is beginning arrangements to relocate and join me at South-HQ...
She is also British, and can devise methods to educate the people on the dangers of Beef... Mad Cow disease can be an unwilling tool of our cause...!

Perhaps a threatening sounding name for security would work more in our favour... People can be afraid of names...
They will need crisp sharp uniforms too... With shining symbols of rank...

Contracts can provide us with security, and a hold over our members... we will need top lawyers to consult over this... Perhaps we can use some of the resources from the larger companies... Im sure Inghams and KFC have sme at their disposal... We can make exceptions for them in the contracts if they provide the lawyers...

Our fire alarm system was just activated, and it turned out to be a false alarm. I hope this is unrelated to our movement. Gladly we didn’t need to leave the building and stand in the rain but descending the stairs in heels down 13 floors would have been punishment enough. We will need to be stealthy and look out for spies and false agents.

Yes, Vicky sounds like a vital asset to this revolution. If my time was more in abundance I would try my hand at designing our symbol. I trust Vicky to be loyal to this cause?

Good thinking with the security. We can call them Tutor O Pollo... that is apparently Spanish for Guardian of Chicken LOL... or we can simply call them security.

Is it necessary to have contracts of loyalty for members and allegiances?

I have a proposal... We need to bring my *REMOVED* into all this...
She is a great artist, and though she hates graphic design, Im sure we can convince her to create our logo for us...
As long as we are loose with the constraints of design, she would be happy...
I know that you could do it, but you are too busy with more important matters!!!

As for security, I know some bouncers that would work well as a personal guard...
We could form our own security company and hire the underground thugs... If asked why, our story would be that we are giving them a chance at a legit life... They would be used to rough situations...

And yes, we do need to be careful... While we may control the media, there will always be rogue factions looking to overturn us...
Street vendors with their crappy little newspapers and the like... Noone ever reads them, but its best to make sure there is no dirt on us in there just in case...

Yes, we must get our logo formed soon... perhaps founders and members need to wear the symbol. This may speed up allegiance formation if people can see fellow members.

We will have to arrange some chicken revolution security... tough, loyal people who don’t mind getting their hands dirty if things get rough.

Okay, vegetables will still be important. We can convince vegetarians to take chicken supplements somehow.

Yes, I imagine that we won’t need to shoot many people. I think we’ve covered many bases here. Those unfortunately allergic ones will be left to last... if they aren’t REALLY allergic, they may change sides when they become outcasts. If not, we will form underground, untraceable allegiances with those who can deal with them.

Great! Although some dealers are dodgy... we may need to leave that one until we have suitable security arranged. Or we can organise some delegates to approach dealers and such to keep our image intact. We don’t want the media singling us out at dodgy places.

Perhaps the Chow Mein Man didnt recognise you as one of the founders of the chicken revolution...
It may be best that way... While I present the public face, I am opening myself up to assassination attempts to try thwart our movement... With you unseen in the background, even if I fall, the chicken will prevail...!

We may not need diet supplements, we might be able to substitue in actual vegetables... I heard once that they contain good things... Actually, the supplements would stll be necessary as not everyone eats their vegetables...
One movement at a time... when Chicken conquers, we can consider vegetables...

Shooting people is immoral... but those that stand in our way must be dealt with... We need untraceable ties to the less desirable caste in australia... the kind that people dont want to mess with even when they know they did something wrong...
These are the people we can use to deal with the unfortunate ones... the allergic ones...

Addictive chicken drugs... we could talk to the dealers and have it cut into their existing supply... in increasing amounts, eventually all junkies would be converted to chicken drugs...! The dealers wont have to buy actual drugs anymore, and they can still sell their product at full price... their profits will increase substantially...!
when we a re sure it works, we can start adding it to spices and herbs and everything in the 'health food' aisle in supermarkets so vegans and vegetarians get addicted...

JK Rowling and Stephanie Meyer (Twilight author)... they may be able to aid us contact other authors like them.

Yes, we will need to make contact with those who have medication treatments and cures for any chicken related illness. Chemists could help if doctors prove to be difficult. Nutritionists and dieticians may be a problem unless we can get a supply of iron supplements etc that may be lacking in chicken.

If there is such a person who is actually allergic to chicken and we can’t find a cure, we’ll have to bite the bullet and shoot them. It’ll be hard and probably immoral but it will be necessary for this cause to succeed... we need EVERYONE!

I just thought of an outrageous idea... do you think the people/companies/secret organisations that make drugs and cigarettes addictive could perhaps make us a back-up chicken drug for the inconvincible? This may also be a solution for vegetarians and vegans.

Yes, we have Dona, Mel, Roz, Peter (he’ll eat anything so he is in), Leah... I’ll count my entire family too. Ooh, yes celebrities is a great idea... they’ll cover the stupid idol-prone zealots that we may be too intelligent to convince.

We’ll try and come up with a genius logo to reign on during the ages.

I just went to a takeaway place and there was no chicken that I could see... I asked where the chicken was... after looking at me strangely (probably because he’d never seen me arrive) and told me it was hidden in the chow mien. I told him it was a good plan. He still thought I was strange but sold me chow mien anyway. Good man.

... reserve food... good plan...
and the homeless... an army that noone ever expected!!!
We need J K Rowling and whatever her name was that wrote twilight on side... both series need another book to spread our message...!
We also need to stockpile medicines, in case there is an outbreak of salmonella... we cant control everything, no matter how hard we try... Best to be prepared... We will need the doctors on side for that too...

Devious and jaded...? Isnt dona on our side already...? =P
Celebrities of all sorts can be persuaded to join our cause...! We are feeding the masses, they will jump on it to raise their own public image...!

And we need a logo... a symbol of our power that will live on through the ages...
Something Black, on Red, with White trimmings... Must be simple so people can reproduce it easily...
And then we also need the main standard... The banner to fly at all public rallies and political speechs...
We will have the Chicken on top, with wings outspread...!

Yes, non-chicken meats can also be reserved for emergency supplies (i.e. in case of cyclone/flood/disaster victims) and homeless people handouts. Oh, grain farmers! I didn’t think of them... they can make alliances and partnerships with chicken farmers.

Free education in cooking chicken for the cooking-virgins or cooking-no-hopers should be supplied to avoid Salmonellosis poisoning... if people get sick, all is lost!

Trashy teen novels, they’d be easy to do especially if they are as popular as Harry Potter and Twilight. We’ll cover all grounds! I’m sure we can have strippers and porn stars make chicken appealing to the devious and jaded. We can supply the prisons and detention centres, they don’t have a lot of choice with food I would imagine so that would be easy.

Music is good... we’ll find aspiring singers/bands in all genres! Yes baby food! And we can hook up Play School/Hi Five/The Wiggles etc with all mighty chicken alliances for the kids off baby food. Ooh subliminal messages... that will be an interesting chapter to explore.

peace offerings... it never would have occurred to me... its brilliant...! reminding the farmers of the money to be made will also assist with the peace offerings... cows will still be needed, too, as dogs also need feeding... so they wont be completely changing over, they will be moving markets... we will need the existing chicken farmers on our side... they would be responsible for showing the beef farmers how it all works... Grain farmers would also prove handy, as they produce the chicken feed...

Perhaps we could get book authors to start writing trashy teen angst novels full of chicken love, and that would convince legions of 12 yr old girls that chicken rules...
And reality TV...! that would attract the slightly older teens to the cause...
We could also think about the music and movie industries... We cant just target the females of the world, the young boys also need turning...
Subliminal messages could prove very handy...
We would need to work in our message, as well as one about subliminal messaging being perfectly fine and acceptable...

Baby food too...! get em hooked while they are still young...!
There is so much to plan...!

Yeah, they live in Sydney I think but she is from Melbourne. I only met him once but that was at my Grandmother’s funeral a couple of years back.

Yes, she probably has heaps of connects with Channel 7 people. Yes, the cooking show idea is wonderful!

Really? Yeah, cashiers don’t usually give a shit unless they have an authority figure that they look up to... for young people we’ll have to tackle idols and example-setters. Hence the cricket teams... we’ll get Colonel Sanders eventually, if not, Ingham’s supply their chicken.

Our battle speech will have to have enough in it to convince the farmers that they benefit in the end if everyone is buying their chickens... we could also offer something like chicken-start-up packs for those farmers who specialise in other meats, as a peace offering to avoid more enemies. And perhaps some free help on how to care and mass produce chickens. Yes, we’ll need to find out the most popular and biggest influence on small towns and communities.

Your cousin is married to Stuart McGill...? wow... famous connections...
TV shows are a good place to start... Stay At Home mums watch daytime TV, and are a heavy influence on what their families eat... With a good marketing strategy and cooking shows, we can convert them and turn families from the inside!!!

I went to see the local red rooster last night... I dont think I am the best person to convince them to join us...
They confused me and I ended up walking out with delicious roast chicken, and no promises about joining our cause...
Maybe I was not aiming high enough... I should see the manager instead of the cashier...
Im also having trouble tracking down Colonel Sanders...

Lenards Chicken!!! I hadnt even thought of them!!! Must find Lenard as well...

And yes the farmers...! we must go to the source... If we do not secure a supply of chicken, our cause is doomed...
We must also implement a strategy to convery the beef farmers to chicken... something subtle... country folk can be stubborn if they feel they are being pushed into it... they need to think it is their own idea...

Yes, we’ll dig out even the small fast food chains to attend. Lenard’s Chicken may be a great ally too!

My cousin Rachel is involved with the media (has been a news reporter and TV show host), she may be a good contact if we can turn her to the right side... if she isn’t already there. Also she is married to Stuart McGill... he could get the Australia cricket team involved and he also hosts a wine tasting TV show (Uncorked, I think it’s called), so he could make chicken a feature on there... better yet, change the show to just wine and chicken.

We could contact farmers who specialise in breeding chickens; it may be better for them financially if we involve them in this desperate cause.

If the people don’t believe... they WILL be forced!

Yes, we’ll dig out even the small fast food chains to attend. Lenard’s Chicken may be a great ally too!

My cousin Rachel is involved with the media (has been a news reporter and TV show host), she may be a good contact if we can turn her to the right side... if she isn’t already there. Also she is married to Stuart McGill... he could get the Australia cricket team involved and he also hosts a wine tasting TV show (Uncorked, I think it’s called), so he could make chicken a feature on there... better yet, change the show to just wine and chicken.

We could contact farmers who specialise in breeding chickens; it may be better for them financially if we involve them in this desperate cause.

If the people don’t believe... they WILL be forced!

We must arrange meetings with those in charge of Inghams at once!!!
I think the dedicated chick fast food chains must also be invited...
Their part is important in your plan, even if they are not due to start their efforts just yet...
It is best to include all major departments from the beginning...
Not only will it help morale, but it will help us identify those who are not truly with us, and eliminate them from the start...
Also, it gives us plenty of time to adjust plans around any information leaked by them...

To begin the implementation of your initial stages, we need to infiltrate the supply lines to the factories... And the factories themselves... workers to begin with... It would also help to control the quality assurance teams, so our products escape without notice...

The media is going to be our biggest ally or opponent in all this...
One news story and we are done for... We must control that too...
Our propaganda campaigns need to be expertly done...
The people must BELIEVE!!!

I think we should begin with replacing meats that appear in canned foods, microwavable meals and any sort of processed meat. We could marinate anything that requires darkening and herbs and spices for more gourmet foods. This could be done randomly by assigning brand to agents in a random alphabetic format and then move onto takeaway foods, other than KFC and Red Rooster (there’s also Country Fried Chicken).

We could even contact the big guns at Ingham’s. They’ve already begun advertisements shaming non-chicken-lovers... calling them freaks.

Starving outcasts will work immensely well on obese people, I should think. We could steal some beagles and Labradors and train them up to sniff out the outcasts. That may help us find any undeclared cellars or hidden panic rooms.

Let us form a strategic plan that makes it look like we are behaving erratically and randomly.. they will think we are mad, and ignore us, and before they know it, we will have claimed victory for all chicken eaters!!!

Or we can start a propaganda campaign, and turn all non-chicken eaters into out casts...
we can herd them into camps, where they are forced to eat chicken or starve to death...!
We would send out death squads to search the outlying villages for refugees hiding in cellars and attics... They would be armed with red rooster and KFC...!

I shall make public announcements and political speechs, and rally the entire country to our cause!!! WE WILL MARCH ON THE WORLD AND CONVERT THEM ALL!!!

Shall we form some sort of strategic plan or is it better to attack randomly? If they like cat, we’ll tell them it’s venison. I know that’s mainly thought of as deer but apparently that word can be used for any game animal that is usually killed during some sort of hunting season. That gives us heaps of options and also covers those who don’t like chicken because it isn’t exotic enough........... I’m beginning to think I’ve thought too much of this.

Hmm... tell them its cat...
I like this idea... We shall implement this immediately!!!
and if they apparently like cats (alive, not for eating) then we shall pick another animal!!!

Yes, I’ve come to the conclusion that the battle against the ant infestation is lost (though I’ve heard tea tree oil around windows and doors is a suitable barrier). There is a potential rising up of nocturnal flies beginning their manifestations on Dona’s kitchen wall... but anti-chicken-lovers are a serious threat to the wellbeing of humanity. Well, Aaron apparently liked mini spring rolls or something until he learned that most of them are made with chicken and seafood (didn’t like seafood either apparently)... that may be a good start. We’ll tell them it’s cat.

we need to keep an eye on this... if too many people stop liking chicken, we will need to take steps...
I know people who know people who dont mind getting their hands dirty shove chicken down people throats...

Yes, there does apparently... I thought it was pretty weird too. I imagine that would be frustrating too... chicken is the most versatile meat.